Monday, December 27, 2010

holiday greetings and just "surrendering"

Hoping everyone had a wonderful holiday!
{using Nikki Sivils Happy Holly Days line}

I have to admit. I was utterly and completely overwhelmed this year. Right now, at this moment - besides blogging, I'm finishing up our Christmas cards to send out. I'm shopping for the gift for my husband that I attempted to buy the last week before Christmas and found that it was sold out everywhere in the city and online, and I'm finishing up a few last things that were handmade to give... 

I think that the two weeks of solid headaches that I didn't plan on at the beginning of the month set me back. {You think?!} But one thing I've learned recently that has changed my life forever: surrender. I don't mean in a give up kind of way. I mean in an "it can't be changed. Do your best and have a good attitude. Learn from it for next time" kinda way. I still don't know if I'm fully explaining it. But I can tell you  a story that will maybe illustrate it. Christmas day. Lots of cooking - amongst many other things. After a long day I go to flip on the dishwasher. It hums to life and I walk away. Playing a game of Scrabble in the other room with our oldest, I realize that it doesn't sound right after 30 minutes. And nothing is happening. In the past I would have become frustrated and upset. This year? I walk in and check things over. And laugh. I mean, what are the odds?! And I mean, I really laughed, from the bottom of my heart. This may not seem like a big deal to you, but in the past {before we had little boys}, I've been known to say I'd rather clean toilets than wash dishes! Anyway, I just went back to the game, and later that evening when we were sharing dinner with everyone, I mentioned it to my mother-in-law laughing as I did so. 

Honestly, I'm glad I did. The next afternoon, I thought, what the heck. I'll give it another shot. You never know. And sure enough. I toggled a switch and it hummed to life. Did it's thing. Worked just fine. And I smiled. Why? It somehow felt like a test. You've been repeating this "surrender" thing to yourself like a new mantra, but do you really believe it? We'll see. The point is, if I had gotten upset, I would have possibly ruined things for the rest of our day. I know I wouldn't have rested or enjoyed things as much. And for what? In the end, things worked out. And that's what I'm truly finding. If it's meant to be, things work out. If not, you find another solution. Surrender. Don't keep pushing in a direction that doesn't work. 

And to be honest, I have to say that the idea started with how I was feeling about being a stay at home mom. It's what I {and we}want for our family, but sometimes it's frustrating. Sometimes you feel like other people don't value what I do. Like my position in this world isn't one that means much because of the lack of monetary value involved. Like others sometimes think that I sit around all day watching tv and eating chocolates. {Let me note here that my husband is NOT one of those people. He reminds me a LOT that what I do means the world to our family and he NEVER, EVER gives me a hard time about anything here at home.} I have to constantly remind myself that what I do here doesn't have a price tag in value - because it's worth MUCH MORE. So I'm letting go of my feelings of frustration. When things don't work out, I'm taking deep breaths. I'm not getting grumpy. I'm watching and working. And things are finding a way of working out. You'll see.

3 comments:

A Soldier Girl said...

I love this post and honey girl sometimes you have to do just that. It is okay to admit it and you did. Oh and I LOVE the blog look.

Happy Holidays sweetness

Connie said...

hey L~love the new look girl!

Jessica said...

Great attitude and really good reminders Leah. Love this post. :) (And love your new look too!)

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